Memorial Day update

I'm writing this post from my parents' living room in Post, TX. Yep, for Memorial Day weekend, I took leave and flew home for a couple of days. It's so good to see them! And my sister was here with my nephew Julian when I arrived. So cute! Did it add to the baby fever? Not necessarily, but it gave me a big dose of reality (he was really cranky at first). But it was good to see Lauren - motherhood has been so good for her! She's really a great mom, and I hope I can be that good when God decides it's my turn.

I know it has been over two months since I last blogged...and so much has been going on! Things have evened out at work for the most part, although I'm staying incredibly busy. I find myself often going to the "reflection room" that is near my office and just asking God for wisdom. Many of the decisions I must make effect the Airmen I'm responsible for, and I am terrified of messing their lives/careers up. But God has been gracious thus far. Although, admittedly, there have been a couple of times when I did the right thing, but it didn't feel good...and yet it was definitely the right thing.

In April, I started up grad school again, and I am now one week from the end of this particular course - Analytics I. It has been a tough course, and I still have a 25-page term paper due on Sunday. Yikes!

I also ran another 5k at the beginning of May - this one was in Conway, AR. Nate and I went home to see his parents, and we all ran in the Toad Suck Daze 5k. (Yeah, what a name...for more info, check out http://www.toadsuck.org/) It was an absolutely nutty thing to do. It rained and rained and rained. So much so that every other event pretty much got called off, except the race.
So we're out there running...in a thunderstorm...with water almost up to our knees at times. I finished in 32:35, which wasn't too bad considering the conditions.

I also got myself talked into doing the Air Force Marathon in September, two weeks after I do the Virginia Beach Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon. The training has been intense, but I'm taking it carefully...I don't want to deal with sciatica again! I ran 6 miles yesterday morning...not too bad...just have to put one foot in front of the other!

I've been doing a lot with Civil Air Patrol lately as well. We took the cadets out to the field for a Field Training Exercise and did both day and night Land Navigation with them, as well as a training UDF mission (to find a simulated downed aircraft). I also got to go up in the plane and begin my Mission Scanner training, taking an aerial approach to finding downed aircraft. Next month is Encampment, which is a week-long sort of "basic training" for the cadets. Not like military basic training, but it gives a good foundation for what CAP is really all about. I'm going to be a Tactical Officer assigned to one of the flights for the week...it is going to be exhausting...but it should be fun!

But here's what I miss about it all: Christ. I'm not saying He isn't there, because He is. And there are tons of Christians involved in CAP. But everytime I go to a weekend event, I feel like I should be digging out my Bible and digging in to something new I'm going to learn about Jesus. (That's probably because InterVarsity is soooooooo ingrained in me!) But that stuff doesn't happen. I mean, there are some spiritually-based conversations that happen off to the side, but nothing like the "old days". And, wow, do I miss it.

In a lot of ways, I fear that my faith is stagnating. Nate and I haven't found a church home yet, and it isn't because we haven't looked. We just have some really different needs that are making it tough. And the military...while there are no atheists in foxholes, I can't shout "Jesus!" from my desk, either.

It's not that my faith has lessened - it hasn't. It isn't that I don't believe, because I do. I think that my time in IVCF spoiled me, because every other week was a new lightbulb moment. The fact that I miss that time 4 years later tells me that it had a huge impact on me. And I miss it. I keep pressing in, as best I can, but I stay hungry for more.

In other news...I love having Nathan home. I mean, there are times when the transition back to "married life" is stressful, as we both do things our own ways and we have to find a way to work together again. But I love waking up next to him every morning...and laughing at him when he gets furious at Duchess for waking him up at 2am...and just being with him. Looking back, there were so many things that had to happen for Nate and me to meet...to marry. And my life has never been the same. And it will never be the same. My life is different and better because of Nathan. And I am so in love with him. :)

Now then...on this Memorial Day, I want to say thanks to God for the freedoms that we have. And I'm thankful to the men and women who have died so that we could have those freedoms. I don't want this to sound self-serving, but if you see a military man or woman today, would you say "thank you"?

May God reveal Himself in new ways to you and to me today. May our eyes be opened to a new facet of His character, to a new granting of His mercy, to a new picture of His grace. May our hearts always hunger for more of Him, and yet I pray that He would always be more than enough for us.